My intention in writing about the law of attraction is simply to share my experiences and thoughts about it. For the most part, the law of attraction has not worked for me, despite considerable study and attempts to see if the techniques will manifest my wishes into reality.
There are times when I didn’t use the law of attraction and was able to manifest rapidly. Other times, I put forth concerted and continuous effort over the course of years, only to come up empty handed. There are also situations that fall in between these two scenarios, indicating to me that there is far more complexity at work than is revealed in the law of attraction’s structure.
If the law of attraction has worked for you and is something you resonate with, then keep going with it.
I’m writing this because I want to give a voice to perspectives that are outside the mainstream success stories. I find the law of attraction fascinating from a practical and metaphysical standpoint. I also want to offer my experiences in case you have found yourself with similar results and musings. I’m not here to say it’s wrong, stupid, or that it doesn’t work. I just think there’s so much more going on in the universe and with our soul’s mission while we are here on earth.
With that in mind, let’s jump in.
If you’re new to the law of attraction, the basic tenet is “like attracts like”. Focus on what you want to manifest, put yourself in the vibration of receiving it, and with trust and faith, it will happen.
For example, if you want to find your life partner, a way to manifest that desire is to imagine being with that person, feel how wonderful it will be to find your perfect match, and then trust that it will happen. You don’t know when it will happen, but the key is to trust and let go, allow the process to unfold organically, and to continue feeling the excitement of finally meeting that person.
The law is also true of the reverse. If you focus on what you do not want in a partner, you will continue to find evidentiary support.
I appreciate the positive focus in the law of attraction and think it’s certainly a healthier approach than digging our heels into negativity and lack. However, I half believe these principles and half don’t. I don’t think this is the only channel it can come to you, or that it’s always a linear process. Let’s go further.
I have listened to many spiritual teachers talk about the law of attraction and put their methods to the test. If “what I think about, I bring about”, is a law, then it will work for me too, right? Ok! Let’s do this!
With renewed enthusiasm, I put aside past disappointments and failures and try once again. I feel new determination to make something change that, up until that point, has proven to be unmovable. A particular area of my life that is a perpetual stalemate and recalcitrant to manifestation. I will prevail!
But I don’t.
I’ve tried the visualizations, feeling the feelings of already having the wish fulfilled, I’ve dotted my kitchen cabinets and bathroom mirror with post-it notes containing affirmations so that I’m continually imbuing myself with new thought.
I’ve written much longed-for goals on paper and covered it with clear packing tape so that it could withstand getting shoved in my pocket over and over.
I’ve looked deeply at my subconscious beliefs to see where old programming might be blocking my chances of reaching the summit.
Eventually, my enthusiasm dies down after my effort goes unrewarded, only to lead me into frustration, anger, a bit of depression, and more questions and curiosity. How is it that it works for some people? Why is it so easy for them and not for me? What am I missing? Did I not do the manifestation steps well enough? Was my trust not good enough because I got frustrated… should I not have gotten frustrated? It’s not that I just worked at something for a month or two and then got down on myself. I’m talking a decade or so of effort. Can you relate?
I’ve seen some people use the law of attraction as a humble brag. “I’m SO blessed!” they exclaim, basking in their season of plenty. They lost the weight. Their boyfriend proposed. An unexpected financial windfall showed up. Their business is booming and life is easy and in a perpetual flow state. Ahhhh….so nice. To be honest, if I was in those shoes, I’d feel the same way.
But when things aren’t going your way, do you still feel just as blessed and tell everyone about it? Do you still feel adept in your manifestation prowess, or does doubt creep in? Why is it that we may work diligently on healing our wounds, yet continue to find more struggle and hardship, and not what we want?
I think there’s so much more to this law of attraction thing than meets the eye.
We’ve all heard the common phrases that get tossed around in the spiritual community:
“What you focus on expands.”
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
“I create my own reality.”
“I’m a fan of telling the universe what WILL happen.”
There is some truth and empowerment to these statements, and to an extent, I agree with them. But not completely. I don’t think they completely encapsulate the entirety of manifestation and how it fits in with our soul’s mission.
I have said variations of these statements in some of my older videos, a fact that makes me a little bit uncomfortable when I think about it. It was where my understanding was at that time. These days, however, the trite statements endorsed by the law of attraction fan club does little to excite or motivate me. I want something deeper.
A handful of years ago I went through the most traumatic experience of my life. In the months preceding the event, I was feeling excited about life, comfortable in my own skin and I was moving through life’s challenges with aplomb. I was spending a lot of time working on myself, rebuilding my life and getting back on my feet. I remember telling a close friend that I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Then one day without warning, everything changed for the worst.
The law of attraction is often described as a linear equation with a logical and predictable outcome. If I do “x” then I get outcome “y”. If I focus on what I want, I will draw it to me. If focus on what I do not want, I will draw that to me as well and repel the thing I actually do want.
In this example, we are in complete control over our situation and outcome because the variables are reliable. It’s a simple if/then-else equation and is nice and predictable. The idea that we can create our reality implies that we have a great deal of control over the situation, if not total control.
In the situation I mention above, this one-size-fits-all approach did not compute. For a couple years afterward, I contemplated why I went through what I went through. What was its purpose? What was the greater meaning? Why did I have to suffer so much? Why couldn’t the universe give me something gentler? Why, when I was feeling great about myself, did I manifest the most painful of circumstances? Is it even correct to say I “manifested” such a situation at all? It went on like this for a while. In time I found clarity and made peace with everything.
The only sense I could make of it was that I needed to go through that experience in order to prepare me for who and what I was to become in the future. In other words, my higher self knew that this was what was needed for my soul’s evolution. My temporal self, however, would never, ever, volunteer for such hardship. The two seem in opposition to each other, and well, they are. The temporal self wants things to be easy and nice and fun. The higher self wants you to grow and evolve, and when last I looked, growth and evolution were states of friction, not ease.
The higher self, the aspect of you who knows why you incarnated onto the earth plane at this time is looking at not just your life in the 3D world, but at your soul through a wide angle lens. It gets the bigger picture. It knows your capabilities to a depth that you may not be aware of.
Your higher self knows the version of you before you accepted limiting beliefs, fears, traumas and societal expectations as truth. All the layers we accumulate from living in the 3D world that can easily stunt our growth if we let them.
What resonates with me more than the law of attraction is this quote by Eckhart Tolle:
“Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”
I find this quote to be a much more accurate portrayal of what our higher self wants, and how life usually goes. Your higher self wants you to grow and evolve and expand, but the way to get there might look and feel like absolute hell to your temporal self.
Sometimes people in the spiritual community use the law of attraction to covertly blame and shame people who are going through hardship. It’s the idea that if anything undesirable comes into your life, you must have somehow attracted it. If you create your reality and you have something you don’t want, you must have done something to bring that about. In other words, it’s your fault.
I have been the recipient of this kind of talk. About a year after my aforementioned trauma, I was in a seminar with a spiritual teacher I was following. At one point we were told to get into groups. Since we were all sharing personal feelings and experiences, I brought up what I had been through and how I was still searching for meaning for my suffering. A woman in the group brought up the law of attraction and asked me what I had done to attract that in my life. I knew she meant well, but her words hurt and felt shaming. I felt unseen and unheard.
I’m going to walk a fine line here. There are indeed times when we can look at ourselves in the aftermath of a terrible situation and see how some aspect of our behavior attracted, encouraged, or allowed the demise of potential success and goodness. That being said, it is in no way a justification for beating ourselves up, taking on guilt, or going back into the endless spiral of how we’re not enough.
This is one area where I feel the law of attraction pours salt on a wound, cloaking hurtful and insensitive comments in the name of spirituality. Those who are in a comfortable season of life cast judgement on those who are wading through their plight the best they can. I have heard people say, “What did you do to attract cancer?”, or, “What did you do to cause your spouse to leave you?”, and what I mentioned above, “What did you do to attract that tragedy?”
Responses like this after someone opens up is an outright refusal to meet them where they are. It’s completely devoid of compassion, vulnerability and empathy and without those ingredients, healing and connection come to a halt. When we are hurt, grieving and unraveling, it is these things we need more than anything. To just have someone sit with us in the dark and be a witness to our process while we climb our way out.
Let me remind you that you are not in control of everything and everyone. You only have control over yourself, but with that said, it bears mentioning that self-mastery over one’s responses and emotions is no small task and not something we’re going to get right every time. We’re human and imperfect and we’re all a work in progress, doing the best we can on our journey.
So I’ll sum this all up. If the law of attraction is something that works for you, keep doing what you’re doing. But if it doesn’t, consider letting it go. Maybe the quote by Eckhart Tolle will bring you the perspective and direction you need when challenges arise. There is both simplicity and complexity in the ways of the universe. There is mystery and orchestration that sometimes we can’t see because we’re too close to it, or the way it looks seems in stark contrast to our preconceived ideas. Whether we know our life’s purpose or not, our higher self does, and it is always moving us towards our highest potential. I think that’s something we can always count on.