I’m sure you’ve heard the quote by Richard Bach that says, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough they’re yours.” And it’s true.
We all have done this at some time in our lives, but some of us are pros at it and do it full-time. Instead of supporting ourselves, we argue against our very being as if we were a top litigation attorney. We are rooting for our perception of inherent lack instead of our abundance.
Arguing for your limitations means that you are supporting yourself not only in feeling inadequate, unworthy or incapable, but believing it as truth and using it as justification for why you can’t move past challenges in your life.
I’ll give you a synonym that sums up this concept into one word- victim. To argue for your limitations is to play the role of the victim. When we feel powerless, we are in a state of victimhood.
Many of us spend years and years of our lives acting this out and aren’t even aware of it. Not surprisingly, we make no progress towards getting the life we want or making the changes we desire. We keep getting the same result because we keep telling ourselves that basically, we completely and totally suck and we believe it with full conviction.
And guess what? It’s all bullshit.
It’s nothing more than a lie you keep telling yourself because you’re afraid.
Is it any wonder why we can’t create the change we want when we tear ourselves apart with criticism, judgement and insults?
When we get in our own way and hold tight to our limiting beliefs, it is because we don’t believe in ourselves. While it’s good to receive support from other people, the most important thing we can do is to learn to believe in ourselves deeply, unwavering, and with determination. This is a power we can learn to cultivate.
I’ll share with you a personal example about how I would argue for my limitations. I told myself for years that I just couldn’t make things work, couldn’t create positive change, couldn’t get myself out of this place of being stuck. I’d ramble off a long list of examples of how I tried to change things and how everything failed. It was as if I was saying, “See? I’m a total failure. I totally suck. My life will never change and will never improve. Don’t believe me?! Here’s proof!”
And then one day, I had a breakthrough. As I was looking over my mental list of shortcomings, I asked myself to sum up into one word what would most strongly describe what I was feeling. Immediately the word “powerless” came to mind. Once I was able to name the feeling, I was able to work on turning it around. I now knew that this part of myself was still in a place of victimhood and that more healing was needed.
Giving it a name disarmed the strength of my feeling of being inadequate and gave me direction for how to heal wounds that were trying to get my attention all along.
I went to work on healing myself and started making steps in the direction of change. In order to take these steps, I had to let go of some long-held thought patterns and embrace new ones.
This clarity was liberating and motivating.
I kicked life into high gear and felt determined to not give up. Somewhere in this realization, I got mad. Really mad. Mad at myself for having believed such crap for so long. The kind of fiery don’t-fuck-with-me-I’m-really-pissed-off kind of mad. The kind of mad that says, “Ain’t nobody going to stop me now! I’m doin’ this!” and, “Oh, hey, self-doubt. Go fuck off. You’re in my way.” That kind of mad. The kind that motivates you through your fear and into complete presence and unknowingness and the courage to finally believe in yourself and not let go.
I had to give myself permission to let go of perfectionism, to look stupid, to make mistakes, to be a beginner, to not have it all figured out and just follow my inspiration and curiosity. I decided to live life by my own rules- not by those of my family, not by my past experiences or cultural expectations.
I had to talk back to my fear- which would show up frequently, even amidst onslaughts of critical epithets. My ego was not in the driver’s seat anymore, I was. With effort and consistent practice, the ego temper-tantrums got quieter over time, but they still remind me of their presence.
I had to believe in myself fiercely and stop caring what anybody else thought of me. To do this, I decided to make these changes for myself and not for anybody else. This might sound selfish, but it isn’t at all. Making positive change for yourself is an act of self-love. When you take complete responsibility for your happiness, you reclaim your power, shed the role of the victim and move from the space of “I can’t” to “I can”.
I had to love myself and make a daily practice of it, even through days when I found it hard to do so. I had to decide not to care about what someone else thought of me, so long as I was doing what was right for me. When you live your life from a place of self-love, you make choices based on what will be kind, nurturing and loving to yourself- what will bring you joy, instead of operating from a place of self-hatred and punishment.
Instead of arguing for your limitations, argue for your blessings, for your abundance and for the uniqueness that you bring to the world. There is only one of you and there will never be another like you. Don’t sell yourself out to limiting beliefs for they will never serve you. Believe in yourself and know that the power to change or accomplish what seems impossible is available to you.
xoxo,
Renee